I often wondered why some things worked with helping people in pain move forward, but not for others. I began to listen more, read more, research more, respond less and just sit with the words shared in confidentiality. As I remained still with the weight of immovable pain from others, I pondered the reason why the pain was allowed to linger in unnecessary situations.

It’s not like the pain was propelling them to change, and yet it seduced them into a long term relationship. A relationship that was not beneficial because the pain had served its purpose long ago and because the pain was left unattended to, it morphed into something that served as a filler.

The light switched on in my brain, and I was finally able to see that for some women, pain replaced an intimate partner. For pain was the product that was inflicted due to an injury on the one who trusted another to view their inner being. It was a trust betrayed that created the pain, however, once its role was played, the tape that recorded the point of injury remained, It was the sensation held on to that in the women’s estimation, kept them wise, one step ahead and never to be caught off guard. Pain was the protector from the harsh reality that left them alone, abused, and humiliated. In addition, for those hiding their shame in their secret addictions, they suffered in silence.

Pain was viewed as the friend defending their cause, the reasoning that left them to believe that no one, that person or situation could not be allowed to happen again. Pain became diligent in its task to keep love out, people under a microscope and the hurt heart only open to suspicion. Pain clouded their judgment, prevented their process and wooed the wounded over and over again as the tape was replayed. It explains why I heard responses such as, “it’s too hard to forgive, you don’t understand what did, and “I haven’t recovered yet” to the question, “why do you think you’re holding on to this pain”? Finally, I have an answer after seeking to understand the partnership with their pain.

The reality is, it’s not the event, person, or idea of remembering; actually, it’s the hurt. The truth is sometimes we purposely and/or subconsciously hold on to hurt for the sheer sensation that is experienced on a deep level. Pain sends a subliminal message to our souls that something is wrong, it’s out of order, and then there’s a rush with the revelation and call to action. The intensity that fills the soul functions more like a battery powering the body with courage to make a move, and energy to see it through. However, fear of that surge of energy being temporary, women hold onto pain and press play on the repeat button.

In pressing replay and giving ear to the message, a level of intimacy was reached with pain because seeds were deposited in the subconsciousness. The more the ear opens to the messages that trust and loving again is too risky, the mind paints the picture and the heart complies. I now know that in order to help women move past their pain, I had to treat them like a woman in an unhealthy relationship. Now, I teach women how to openly cheat on their pain that they are partnering with on some hidden level, to live free from the judgments of others as they develop a lifelong love affair with themselves.

Are you ready to live free and cheerfully self-indulge on love? Reach me here!